Past My Walls, Into My Heart

The past couple weeks, God has been pushing past the boundaries and the walls that I have built in my heart once again. Once again, He is stretching me, pulling me, taking me further than is comfortable now so that I can be in a place that is where I can see His heart. So that I can have the joy and peace and overwhelming delight of being with Him where He is and of doing what He is doing.

Last week, I spent the week in the home of orang-orang Indonesia (people of Indonesia). We were on a small island, in a house built on stilts over the turquoise blue ocean. We ate delicious food the entire week (including snails, whole little crunchy fish, and fried bugs). And we lived like Indonesians, even wearing jilbabs once for a party. It was difficult for us at times, one being from another culture and unfamiliar, two being a important guest in their eyes, three being in the home of a stranger and not speaking the language very well. We did learn a whole lot of new words…I wrote down over 200 in my notebook. We went jalan-jalan on motorcycles all over the island. One night, we went to the Jimbatan Cinta (a beautiful bridge) and sat there with the three college aged kids of the couple we were with. We talked about life, learned new words, and translated English songs into Indonesian until late in the night. I went to the market and bartered for some beautiful batik fabric. I was sick for a few days and got to experience a traditional Indonesian remedy to colds. The Ibu (the mother) rubbed eucalyptus oil into my back then took a coin and made long scratches down my back and neck. This is because bad wind, “Masuk angin,” enters your body, so making scratched lets it out. The red went away after a couple days…I don’t think it helped my skin infection much though ha. I was surrounded by children every day, beautiful vibrant children who taught us the words for every part of the face and took us swimming.

The first days were incredible (the whole time was incredible), but the further into the week I got, the more I was stretched and the more uncomfortable it got. But God was using it to soften and tenderize my spirit. He is changing me so that I may be in closer communion with Him, so that I made hear His whispers with greater clarity. I want to learn how to live in communion with Him at all times. I want to be a soft ground for Him to plant the seeds of His love. I want to swim in the deep waters of His Spirit and lead others to it. So may He use my culture shock or any other means He needs to bring me closer to the center of His heart.

“Prayer is living. It is eating and drinking, action and rest, teaching and learning, playing and working. It leads you to see new paths and to hear new melodies in the air.” Henri Nouwen