Monday, December 13, 2010
Day 12 - You carry the weak
Even the sparrow finds a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may lay her young, at Your alters, O Lord of Hosts. When the cares of my heart are heavy, your consolations cheer my soul. For You carry the weak and make them strong, but bring low the proud in spirit.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Day 11 - You carry me
The Lord is a warrior, Yahweh is His name! Your right hand, O Lord, is glorious in power. The Lord will reign forever and ever.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Day 10 - The Lord Reigns
Hallelujah! The Lord reigns. Your throne, Elohim, is forever and ever. The scepter of Your kingdom is a scepter of uprightness. You are our righteousness, You are our holiness. I will consider and incline my ear, I will forget my people and my father’s house to enter the King’s palace.
My Beloved is radiant and ruddy. You are fairest among ten thousand, the Lamb who is worthy, altogether desirable. So kiss my soul with the words of Your mouth, with Your breath of life. I am Yours, my Beloved, and You are mine, strengthen me with Your love. I want to come up out of the wilderness leaning on my Beloved. I want to come out of the wilderness having only You, knowing only Your strength, desiring only Your love. I look at myself and I saw darkness, devoid of all light. But when Your eyes look at me, I see that You call me lovely. I see that I am lovely. I am a rose of Sharon, I am a lily of the valley.
Come quickly, my Love. Return, we wait for You.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Day 9 - Your Banner is Love
You shall lift up my head, You shall prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies that I might honored in front of those that seek my life. You have brought me into the banqueting house, and Your banner over me is love because You conquered my heart with Your love and taken it for Your possession. You have set up Your banner that those who fear You may flee to it and be saved, so that Your beloved ones may be delivered. We proclaim that vain is the salvation of man but with God we shall do valiantly. He shall trample down all our foes.
Let me dwell in Your tent, in the shadow of Your wings. I have one desire and that is to sit before You, to sit at Your feet, and gaze at Your beauty while You watch over me in Your loving kindness, Your saving faithfulness. Then I shall be satisfied. I shall be satisfied with the goodness of Your house, with the holiness of Your temple.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Day 8 - Take me to the Oil Press
So take me to Gethsemane, to the oil press. Take me to the place of suffering if that’s what it takes to produce in me the oil of intimacy with You. Your presence is what I long for, You are all that I need. So strip away the rest. I do not know what I am truly asking for, I do not know what the depth of this prayer is, but I ask that You not stop until You have taken me to the place of brokenness. I know that this is what I need to be wholly and completely Yours. To be completely dedicated to You.
When You return, I want to have oil in my lamp. I want to have intimacy with You. I must have You. So I will watch for You, O my Strength, I will wait for You as the watchman waits for dawn. I cry out to You, Elohim Adonai. I cry out to God who fulfills His purpose for me. I know that You will arise, and the righteous shall be glad before You.
My Father, Abba, You alone know what is best for me, even more than I do. Take me through the valley now, so that I may rejoice before You in that day. Be thou my Vision, be my focus.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Day 7 - All Authority to You
I thank you, Adonai, that because of Your sacrifice I am free. I am redeemed. I am Yours.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Day 6 - Sing Over Me
Father, be near to me. Speak the language of me heart; break down the walls that keep me from hearing You when You speak. Let me hear and accept the truths that You have for me. Tell me who I am, for I do not know on my own and I need Your words of life. I need to hear. I must know Your voice or I cannot live. Without the joy of Your presence, I am already dead. Without the comfort of Your Spirit, I cannot exist. Without Your love, I will wither away and die. But I rest in the fact that You will never leave me or take Your presence from me. I trust in You. I know who You are, for You have told me and You do not lie. You are not a man that You would lie; that You would fail me.
How I love You, Lord! Because You have loved me, I am able to love. All good that I am, or have, or hope to be comes from You. You are the only good thing. Therefore make Your face shine upon me and grant me shalom.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Day 5 - Draw Me to You
You are fairer than the sons of men…this is my Beloved, this is my Friend. Thank you for Your sweet love, Your gentle embrace. Your fiery passion and Your jealous love. Draw me after You, let us run.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Day 4 - God with Us
I still have so far to go, so much to learn. How thankful I am, Father, that I do not have to do it! How thankful that my journey doesn’t depend on my strength and my ability. You have made me whole; You have made me pure. You have shattered the chains holding me down and put back together the heart that was shattered. All glory and honor and glory and praise be unto You, oh Lord my God, who redeems the children of men.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Day 3 - Light Dawns in the Darkness
I will praise You, God, for You have set my feet in a broad place and You have not caused me to stumble. You who created the sun and moon, who hangs the stars in their place, You watch over me. You hold me gently in the palm of Your hand and nothing can come against me. I rejoice in Your salvation for You have lifted me out of the miry clay. You have set me on the Rock and I will not be moved. Blessed are all who hope in You, They will not be put to shame for their hope is a righteous hope. You are returning again to reign on the earth, to bring forth justice and righteousness. You will come with a sword upon Your thigh and fire in Your eyes. You will return to Your bride to claim her as Your own. Keep us steady until that day. Keep our eyes on You.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Day 2 - I am running to You
Speak clearly to my heart, that I may know when You are speaking to me. Speak often so that I may learn to know Your voice. Guide me in the paths everlasting for all Your ways are righteous and You guide me in justice and in truth. I am running after You, I am seeking Your face, my Lord and Savior, my Shepherd and my Guide. Do not be far from me.
You are not like other gods that You would hide Your face, nor are You far off so that we cannot come near to You, but You are a God who is near to us. You are a God who delights to hear our prayers and to answer our pleas. Though You are seated high above the heavens, You are near to us when we call. In the congregation of Your people You dwell. So hear my plea oh God, and draw near to me. Your presence is all I am longing for. The sweet fragrance of Your breath upon my soul, the sweet melody of Your presence playing upon the strings of my heart.
Let me know You. Teach me how to search You out. Speak life to these dry bones and I will be a testimony to Your greatness. I will praise You in the assembly, and among the nations I will tell of Your Name.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Day 1 - Be Near oh God
Remind me, oh Lord, that I am weak. Remind me that my days are fleeting, a passing breath upon the wind, and teach me to number my days. Teach me to make the best use of the time that You’ve given me that I might honor You with my whole life, so that all I am brings glory to Your name. For You are my only good. As a flower looks to the sun for food, to the rain for strength to grow, to the earth for support, may I look to You, Father, for my life and energy. May I look to You, Spirit, for refreshment and strength. May I look only to You, Jesus Christ Love of my Soul, as the rock upon which I stand, as my foundation and my support. Be my all in all, O Savior of all.
Now to Recover from My Vacation
Now that it’s over and I’ve had hours on the road to think and reflect, I’ve realized a few things. On entering into this break, I had started to get a little (probably a lot) prideful in myself, in what I could do, in how well I could hear God. I lost sight of couple things. Namely that none of these things were because of me or what I did. Who I am is 100%, absolutely, completely because of God’s grace. Also I realized that, as a Christian, I cannot coast on previous time spent with Jesus. Like in a marriage, just because you have a wonderful date, or even a week straight of dates, with your husband or wife, does not mean that you cannot now rely on that time spent together and not spend any time together for the next two weeks. You need time spent together regularly.
Who am I to even be talking though? What do I know of life, of living and persevering in the Christian life, of depth with God? I have only been following God for a little over a year now. I’m only 19. I have no knowledge, nothing worth listening to, no words of power or worth. Guide me, Father, in the ways of truth and grace. Teach me to listen , to know Your voice as You whisper to my soul, as You sing over me in the night.
I am going to try an experiment. For the next two weeks, instead of being egocentrical, I am going to quit writing about me, my life, my thoughts, my plans. Instead I am simply going to post a prayer to God each day of what is on my heart that morning after my quiet times with my Beloved and the Lover of my soul. You can follow me or not, as you choose. Maybe God will use them to help and encourage you, but it no longer matters. I have realized that God does not have to use me and sometimes He will have me do things simply for the sake of pulling me to Himself and for no other reason then because He is so jealous to have all of me. My thoughts, my emotions, my plans, my life.
Tomorrow let's start a new journey, shall we? And we'll see where it leads. Shalom.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
My Help Comes From the Lord
“How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching? And how are they to preach unless they are sent?” Romans 10:14-15
God has placed the long-term calling on my life to go to these unreached nations and bring the Gospel. The desire within me to bring the Gospel to them is growing deeper every day. I want to go now, but fact is that I need training and that is why I am at Bethany College of Missions. I came because Bethany’s program is strategically designed to prepare Christians to know how to be cross-cultural. Some of you know that next fall I will be going overseas for 16 months and to be both a student of cultures and a missionary as part of the program here. This is one of the most important aspects of the program and also the one that teaches us the most. During the internship we have classes on how to learn a language, how to find out what is important in a culture, things that we will need to know once we are done with school and ready to go out as a missionary for life.
But it’s looking like I won’t make it until then without your help. The fact is that I don’t have the money to finance school. I feel like God wants me to stay. In my last blog, I said it didn't look like I'd be able to stay as a student because of finances. But God is telling me to persevere in this, to ask for help. So I am asking for your help. Once I get on internship I will need support, because I will be going as a missionary. So I am asking you, my friends, if you will start supporting me now in my missionary training. I am asking for a 2 year/monthly commitment to support me financially. Of course, above and beyond all your financial support, I need your prayer support. Prayer support is critical to my effectiveness in reaching those countries (or even the people around me) that God is sending me to.
If the facts that I gave at the top of the page stirred your heart, but you are not called to go, this is one way that you can reach out without actually going. Please partner with me as I seek to take His light into those frontiers that have never known or seen His light. If you are interested with partnering with me financially or in prayer, please let me know. My email is h.dunbeck@gmail.com or my cellphone number is (256) 486-1146
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Yet, Still Will I Follow
“Greater things are yet to come, greater things are still to be done in this city.” -Chris Tomlin
I have come to a crossroads in my life, which I believe will be the end of my career as an official student. But maybe not, I’m still young. However, if I don’t have $940 within a week or so, then I am at least done with the chapter called “Being a Student at Bethany.” But I’m not worried. Actually, I am very much at peace. I know that God is leading me and he is teaching me to trust his guidance.
I honestly feel like the quote at top of the page represents where I am right now. There are much greater things that God still has in store for me, and he knows exactly what path to take me on so that I’m ready for those bigger things. I also know that there is more in store for me here in Minneapolis, Minnesota. God told me at the beginning of the year that this was my home for now and he also told me to stay at Bethany until he specifically told me to leave. So here I stay (and learn to follow). Just so you know, I will probably be staying on campus as a Ministry Intern, which means I’ll be working on campus for free but getting room and board.
I have grown so much in this month that I’ve had as a student. Seriously, I grown more than I did the whole previous year. (Last year was the watering. Now I’m seeing the growth.) I wouldn’t exchange it for anything… But I’m ready for what God has in store next (even if that means providing the money at the last moment and having me stay as a student). He has been healing so gently and carefully (although pain is unavoidable) of the many hurts that my soul has carried for a long time or a short time; and there is still much more to work through. But his name is Faithful and True, and he cannot deny himself… he will see me safely through.
I rest assured in this fact: that his plans for me are mighty to behold and beautiful to see because he is the lover of my soul and my refuge.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
In The Belly of the Whale
Two days ago, I was talking with a friend about how my summer had gone and how I had wanted to go one direction and God had a different thing in mind. She said it was like I had been in the belly of a whale and I think that metaphor fits incredibly well. I know I’ve been very silent about how my summer has gone, about China, about what God has been teaching me, and many of you are still wondering how it went… well, that’s because my summer didn’t go the way I wanted it to, I didn’t go China, and I didn’t want to learn the things that God was teaching. And it was hard coming to terms with it; and it’s taken me to this point be able to write about it, to tell people.
I’m not going to be super-spiritual, the perfect little missionary girl. I'm not going to try to make myself look perfect. I tried to go to China when God wanted me to stay home, so he had me sit in the belly of a whale for about three months until I cried out to Him and admitted that He knew what was best for me, even more then I myself knew. And it was not fun down there in the whale. It is hard and messy, oh so messy, when God invades your plans and ideas and inserts His own. It stinks of fish in there and there’s not a lot of oxygen. In fact, after three days (or months, in my case)…you’re pretty close to dying. But God knows just how much is needed to discipline us and bring us back to him and does not take us further than we can bear.
About two days before I was supposed to have flown out, when I finally accepted the fact that the rest of the support money I needed wasn’t going to come through, I crashed. I didn’t understand why God was doing this when I had really thought that He wanted me to go. I mean, I was going to save the world for Him and he said that he didn't need me. Imagine that! And when the money didn't come through, I wondered if He was really faithful…if I could honestly and completely trust Him to meet my other needs.
And in the next 6 weeks that I was home, God revealed himself to me. He gave me a minuscule glance into His character. As I cried and protested and pushed against Him-like a little child that is trying to fight rest when she's tired-He gently and patiently gathered me up and held me to His chest until I stopped struggling. Until I surrendered.
I wish I could tell you specific things that he taught me, but I can’t. There is just not words for it. However, I left the summer with a greater longing and desire to know this God who calls Himself my mother and father, lover and husband, who is more faithful to me then I myself am, who gives and takes away yet is still blessed. The One Who Is and Was and Is To Come. Yahweh.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Instead of a Show
I hate all your show and pretense
The hypocrisy of your praise
The hypocrisy of your festivals
I hate all your show
Away with your noisy worship
Away with your noisy hymns
I stomp on my ears when you're singing 'em
I hate all your show
Instead let there be a flood of justice
An endless procession of righteous living, living
Instead let there be a flood of justice
Instead of a show
Your eyes are closed when you're praying
You sing right along with the band
You shine up your shoes for services
There's blood on your hands
You turned your back on the homeless
And the ones that don't fit in your plan
Quit playing religion games
There's blood on your hands
Instead let there be a flood of justice
An endless procession of righteous living, living
Instead let there be a flood of justice
Instead of a show
I hate all your show
Let's argue this out
If your sins are blood red
Let's argue this out
You'll be white as the clouds
Let's argue this out
Quit fooling around
Give love to the ones who can't love at all
Give hope to the ones who got no hope at all
Stand up for the ones who can't stand at all
I hate all your show
At this point, I'm sure at least 70% of you are mad at me for judging this church, for judging at all. It's possible that some of you reading this blog even go to the church I'm talking about. Let me say this, I know I'm not a perfect Christian. I'm not pretending like I have it all together, like I have a corner on what it means to be a Christ-follower. I get so many things wrong in my Christian walk. I know no church is perfect, and I'm not mad at this church or anything even close to that. I'm just wondering when we are going to quit trying sell Christianity. When we are going to quit trying to make church a rock concert, or trying to hide the fact that making Jesus your Savior means dying. Quite literally, (in a figurative sense) dying.
When are we going to quit pushing the Holy Spirit out of our equations and plans? When is the church going to quit denying the very real and very potent power of the Spirit of Christ and his resurrection? We talk about being a church like the early church in Acts. This is what I see in the early Church, "'And now, Lord, look upon their threats and grant to your servants to continue to speak your word with boldness, while You stretch out Your hand to heal, and signs and wonders are performed through the name of Your holy servant, Jesus.' And when they had prayed, the place in which they were gathered together was shaken, and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and continued to speak the words with boldness." (Acts 4:29-31)
What I see is that there should be prophesy and healings and miracles in the church. "Pursue love and eagerly desire the spiritual gifts, especially that you may prophesy...If all prophesy, and an unbeliever or an outsider enters, he is convicted by all, he is called to account by all, the secrets of his heart are disclosed, and so, falling on his face, he will worship God and declare that God is really among you." (I Corinthians 14:1, 24-25)
If you feel like I am following a rabbit's trail, or distracting from more important things, or that I'm just being a bad Christian, please comment and tell me. I don't really want applause though. These are some things that have been on my mind all summer long, quite honestly since I came back to Sand Mountain, Alabama (although this isn't the only place where the church has problems). There's many more things that I would like to complain about or speak out against, but I think this is more then enough for now. Hopefully, in my next post, I can speak about more uplifting things. But if you are reading this and you want to applaude what I am saying, first stop and see if you also are not part of the problem. Because I feel like applauding myself right now (I mean, not really, but I like what I am saying is the point) and I know that I am often part of the problem. This is really a post to me, to remind myself to get back to what it's about...Jesus Christ, his death, and the power of His resurrection.
Thoughts?
Monday, April 19, 2010
To Do the Impossible
But seriously God has used this time, beyond a shadow of a doubt to transform me and change things in me, some of which I hadn’t even been willing to acknowledge as a problem before coming here. He taught me to trust in His provision for everything from the tuition money to come here to providing everything on a “Crosswalk.” And it’s a good lesson to learn. Two feet from my bedroom door is a wall completely covered with sticky notes marking times that God was faithful to my accountability group (about 10 people) throughout this last school year. Every time I see it, I am reminded of how much God loves providing for us as His children.
Today at church my pastor said something which stuck me close to the heart. He said, “People are doing good and great things all over the place, but God is calling the church to do the impossible things.” Over the past month or two, God has been growing a dream in my heart which (a few days ago) I accepted as my own dream for the next few years. It sounds impossible and unlikely. It sounds crazy, even to me. It sounds illogical and impulsive and naïve and impractical and absurd and…well, you get the picture.
The dream God has given me is to visit 30 countries in the next 5 years. And no, dropping out of school does not figure into the picture, leaving about 2 years that I can fully devote to traveling. How is it going to happen? When? Why? And for what purpose? Good questions. Questions God hasn’t answered for even me yet. But I’m excited to discover the answers with Him. However, even acknowledging this as my dream is a huge step of faith and also one that I’m sure will bring some heat as people begin pointing out the impracticalities of such a goal. But if you’ve read my last blog, then you know that God has been teaching me a few things about faith, reliance, and trust in Him.
I’m starting to fulfill the goal with two countries this summer. I’m traveling to Jerusalem and a closed country in Asia. God still has to provide the money and a few other things, but I’m confident that He will. It wouldn’t be the first or the last time that He has provided absolutely everything for me. My opinion is that very Christian should live most of –actually all - their life that way. It’s great for faith building. But also, there’s nothing like knowing that you have nothing and that there’s nothing you can do about it except pray.
You may not thank me for this right away, but I pray that every one of you reading this has many such experiences in your future. What impossible thing does God want you to accomplish through Him?
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
My Amazing Weekend Adventure
Last weekend I took an adventure that I will never forget. At 5am, I was blindfolded along with Luke Cada, Andria Jasper, Julia Engebretson, and Nicole Downer; the five of us were driven 105 miles from campus to a unknown location. What were our assets? A six foot cross, our Bibles, a bottle of water, and of course God. We were not allowed to bring money, technology, maps, or food. Nor were we allowed to ask questions that would benefit ourselves. We had to have a place to stay by 8 on Saturday night and we had to be back on campus by 8 Sunday night. These were our rules and around 7:30am we were left out in the country by a lake. We took a few minutes to pray, and God told us to go left so we head out left.
Before we left, all of us made a list of expectations we had for the weekend. Mine were that (1) I wanted to see someone saved; (2) I wanted a fruit punch Sobe; (3) I wanted to spend the night at a family's house; (4) I wanted to go to church with them in the morning; (5) And I wanted to get back on campus within the time limit. Some of the other team's expectations were hamburgers for lunch, to preach Sunday morning, to ride in the back of a cab...and several others that were added as the trip went on. :)
So we made our way to hwy 71...and on our way one car stopped to talk to us. We were excited but all they wanted to know was a church garage sale was. So after that, we decided to never expect anything from anyone that stopped. We walked for 2 hours before coming to even a gas station. We shared the gospel with some men there but they were very closed to it. Here we also learned that we had been going north instead of south. A little disheartened we started backtracking but we knew that God would use the delay. Around lunch time, we took a water break on the side of the road. A car pulls up and the window rolls down. It was a lady named Nikki, who graciously offers to take us to her house for lunch. She had a beautiful home on the lake and fed us hamburgers (expectation number one fulfilled!). She also printed us out a map, told us where to go, and packed us up with some food in case we didn't get dinner. At around 12:30, she drove us to the next town on our itinerary and we said good-bye.
After this,we walked on hwy 12 for several hours. As we were coming into Kandiohi (which we made several silly songs about), a truck stopped and gave us twenty dollars. A few minutes later, a couple named Vickie and Gerry stop and ask what we’re doing. They gave us ride for twenty miles, but not only that, they also take us to a gas station, buy us what we want, and give us money. They were a huge blessing to us and very sweet. At the end of our ride with them, as we climbed out of the car, Vickie said she didn’t know how she felt about leaving “her kids” on the side of the road…but trusted God to take care of us. In the car I was able to tell them my testimony and I also got a fruit punch Sobe, fulfilling two of my expectations! After this, we walked a little while, then stopped at a Dairy Queen in Litchfield and got some cold treats.
Walking down the sidewalk in cute little Litchfield, we came across Natalie and Jeremiah. They were on their motorcycle, but told us to walk down to the BP and they would meet us there with their truck. Walking to the BP, we actually get a ride for the few miles with the lady that had previously given us twenty dollars. Riding with Natalie and Jeremiah, we sit in the back of the cab which fulfilled an expectation of Nicole’s, and had a great conversation with Natalie. The conversations that we had with all of the people that helped us are one of my favorite things about the weekend. They dropped us off just outside Dassle, with the next town being Cokato (6 miles away). It was now about 4:30pm.
It took us 3 hours to walk this bit of hwy 12 between the two towns…so as we come into Cokato we have very little time to find a place to stay before our “curfew” of 8pm. We are also very tired at this point, having walked close to 25 miles. But we are confident that a place will be provided, as God had provided everything else we need.
At this point, a man comes up to us on a bike. His name was Pastor Steve. He offers us his home for the night and asks us to finish his sermon the next morning at his church. We are overwhelmed by God’s provision. That night at his house we had a wonderful time of fellowship with him, his wife Toni, his son Jonathon, and some friends they have over, Marcus and Channell. We were having so much fun that we didn’t end up going to bed until midnight. The next morning, we go to both services and Luke preaches. Afterward, we have lunch then Jon and Marcus take us on the next leg of our journey. As we get out of their car, another car immediately pulls up behind us. It’s a man named Mark who had been at the church that morning and had been looking for us to give us the next ride. He gives us a ride to just outside
When I think about the weekend and how wonderfully God provided, I just start laughing because He is so amazing. This experience is something that I will remember for the rest of my life.